Kiss Me Like You Mean It by Dr. David Clarke

Author:Dr. David Clarke [Clarke, David]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
Tags: Religion, Christian Life, Love & Marriage, ebook, book
ISBN: 9780800733292
Google: 92ekCt-MOr8C
Amazon: 0800733290
Publisher: Revell
Published: 2009-04-30T23:00:00+00:00

If you answered True to at least ten of these, you’re married to a Secret Agent.

Your Secret Agent Is Intimacy Challenged

Your Secret Agent isn’t a bad guy. He’s not evil or intentionally mean. He hasn’t killed anyone. He doesn’t run over squirrels for sport. He’s a moral, decent, and upright person who works hard at his job. He’s not having an affair. He’s not an alcoholic or a drug user. He isn’t addicted to anything. He does not verbally or physically abuse you. He’s solid, stable, and responsible. He’s a good guy! He even loves you. You know he loves you.

The one problem with him—and it is a big one—is that he doesn’t show you love in the way you need to be shown love. He doesn’t meet your deepest and most important need as a wife: to be emotionally connected to him. He doesn’t open up and share himself with you. His feelings, his personal thoughts, his problems, his worries, his relationship with Jesus Christ, and his hopes and dreams all stay buried inside. He is intimacy challenged.

The one arena in which he seems to be able to give himself to you is sex. During foreplay and intercourse, he can be warm and sensitive and loving. But, frankly, that’s not good enough. It’s not good enough for you. You need him to give himself to you emotionally. Physical love without emotional connection is difficult—even painful—for you. And, it does not meet your greatest human relationship need.

You really and truly don’t know your husband. And you desperately want—actually, need—to know him. That’s why you got married—to be close to him! You need to know and experience who he really is inside. You need him to know and experience who you really are inside. But, that hasn’t happened in your marriage, and it doesn’t look as though it’s ever going to happen.

The reason for this is that it takes two for true intimacy to happen. He must talk! He must put aside his logic and fears and self-protection and let his emotions come out. He will have to open up and share with you, regularly, his personal stuff. As a woman, you know this is true because you know how intimacy in a relationship works. But he doesn’t get it. And he certainly isn’t joining you in this intimacy process. You’re still at Square One. Why? Because your Secret Agent won’t talk on a personal level!

Your Secret Agent is emotionally stunted. He hides his true self behind his wall. He might be a pretty expressive guy with a great sense of humor. I’ve known Secret Agents who have no trouble talking. But they close down when it comes to any personal, below-the-surface conversation.

Oh, he’ll talk to you. But only about things that are “safe” for him in his mind and are superficial: generalities about his day, facts and events, logical observations, financial matters, his job, his schedule, home maintenance, the kids, vacation plans. . . . These are the kinds of things he could share with anyone—a friend, his dad or mom or brother, the mail carrier.

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